Coping Strategies: Deciding To Get Better or "How's That Workin' For You?"

In my previous blog I spoke of goals for therapy. Many clients discover (or just are reminded) that their therapy cannot effect change in anyone but themselves.  Because the people and some situations that create distress in our lives are generally beyond our control, many goals for therapy center around developing coping strategies. Developed with your therapist, these are strategies for finding different behaviors that serve you and reduce your distress.

Depending on your goals and the way you work with your therapist, these strategies can include:

1. Changing patterns of behavior. By taking responsibility for our own actions, we can empower ourselves to eliminate behaviors that bring us, intentionally or unintentionally, harm or distress.

2. Changing our "self-talk."  Almost all of us have some sort of running thought dialogue with ourselves: things we tell ourselves about the way the world works; judgments we make about ourselves and others; assumptions and expectations that we have (some realistic, other not).  Changing self-talk can be an effective way to reduce distress.

3. Changing our narrative. Some clients view their lives as an on-going narrative or "story."  It's often comprised of what others have taught or told us about ourselves, as well as contributions we've made to our own story.  If your narrative has become a story that  makes your feel frustrated or "bad" about yourself, re-examining the story (and amending it) can be helpful in alleviating these feelings.

4. Challenging our belief systems. Just as taking another look at our life story can be powerful, re-examining our current belief systems can be empowering, too.  Sometimes we're operating under antiquated belief systems that we were taught in the past; because people change, at times our belief systems no longer serve us.  Challenging our beliefs (and the limitations and distress they bring to our lives) can help us re-define what is really important to us.

Of course, there are many other ways to navigate your therapeutic journey.  These are only a start. The key thing they have in common, is that they start with you: your actions, your thoughts, your story, your beliefs.  Sometimes, this intense focus on yourself can cause you to feel uneasy, shameful, or frustrated. With a good therapist, you'll find that this focus suspends blame and shame, and emphasizes change for the purpose of feeling better. 

As Dr. Phil is famous for asking his patients, "So, how's that workin' for you?" If you look at your own behaviors and decisions and the answer is, "Not so well," then at least you've started the process: you know what doesn't work, and can focus on alternative strategies the might work better.

Next time: Defense Mechanisms: How They Serve Us, How They Don't.

Thanks for listening.