Discomfort, frustration, disappointment--none are strangers to most of us. And, none are classified as "disorders." However, if you suffer from an anxiety disorder or clinical depression, the ability to "sit" with your discomfort--to temporarily accept what cannot be changed--can be an extremely helpful coping mechanism.
Developmentally, tolerance of discomfort is usually mastered gradually, starting in later childhood and spanning into adulthood. However, it's a skill or talent, which suggests that we may all have varying degrees of ability in this area. And, given our financial circumstances, physical health, mental health, life stressors--even our diet and drug/alcohol intake--our ability to tolerate mental discomfort can vary widely in different life stages.
I don't like this, I don't want this. But I can't change this. Now what do I do?
According to the Cleveland Clinic's web page on "Emotional Well-being," there are several ways to help cope with things, events--even people--that are causing us distress.
Lowering your expectations. Can you think of a time when you really were expecting too much of the situation? The person? The environment? Or, perhaps, yourself? Adjusting expectations can be a helpful first step in sitting in the here and now.
Asking others to help or assist you. Sometimes relief is just a question away. Trying to do everything on our own can cause us to feel isolated and overwhelmed. Learning to ask for help can lessen the discomfort.
Taking responsibility for the situation. Said another way: "Own your stuff." This can be difficult, especially if we're used to trying to share the blame. You may not be able to change a situation, but if you can own it, you may be able to accept responsibility until a solution comes along.
Engaging in problem solving. Sometimes, it's difficult to look for solutions when we're feeling down or hopeless. But, breaking the "there's no way out" self-talk can provide an alternative--even in theory--to what may seem to be a dire situation.
Maintaining emotionally supportive relationships. Sometimes, it can be extremely helpful just to talk with someone--someone who knows you, listens to you and can give you what you want in a listener. Sometimes we want someone to listen and provide feedback. Other times, we simply want someone who will let us vent. Maintaining supportive relationships can give us these outlets.
Maintaining emotional composure or, alternatively, expressing distressing emotions. I've never been a big fan of "holding it in," but there can be therapeutic benefit in not letting our emotions get the best of us. What does this mean? It can be as simple as resisting strong emotional urges: to cry, stomp, throw things, yell--or worse. Constantly yielding to every emotional urge can lead to feelings of being out of control. Expressing distressing emotions through discussion, journaling--even art therapy--can provide a socially acceptable outlet for our emotions that doesn't add to our distress.
Challenging previously held beliefs that are no longer adaptive. Self-talk can be central to coping with discomfort. By listening to our internally-held beliefs and challenging their usefulness in our lives, we have the opportunity to literally change our "internal" minds, and release ourselves from beliefs that no longer serve us.
Distancing yourself from the source of distress. Sometimes "acceptance" takes the form of distance. If a person or situation is causing emotional discomfort, putting distance between yourself and the source doesn't necessarily solve the problem, but it can make it easier to tolerate.
Viewing the problem through a religious or spiritual perspective. Using the "filter of faith" can be helpful in relinquishing a problem. "Giving it up to God, " or "surrendering a problem to the universe" can provide both relief and freedom from a discomforting situation that is beyond your control.
Regardless of which techniques you use, experts agree that coping is a process rather than an event. You may find yourself using one or more coping mechanisms or alternating between them.
If you're reading this and finding that you're quietly resisting help at every turn, you may want to ask yourself:
What's in the way of my accepting an alternate way of dealing with my distress? Why don't I want to try to lessen my discomfort?
Unless you live a charmed life devoid of stress or disappointments, you'll likely find that sitting with discomfort is a part of everyday life. If nothing else, take a few deep breaths and take mental stock of your blessings. Gratitude can be a wonderful healer, too. But that's a subject for another posting.
Until then, thanks for listening.
No comments:
Post a Comment