Suppose someone proposed the following to you: 1.) Call a complete stranger on the phone; 2.) Make an appointment to see that stranger to tell her about a distressing or shameful part of your life; 3.) Show up and actually tell that person things about yourself and your personal life that you've never told anyone else on the planet--while the stranger says virtually nothing about herself; 4.) Write the stranger a check.
Is it any wonder that therapy could be feared or misunderstood?
Of course, anyone who has been to a compassionate and competent therapist is likely to give a fuller, more balanced account of therapy. In fact, about 8 out of 10 people would report that therapy actually helped them feel significantly better.
So, why do people say no to counseling--at least at first? Here are the "Top Ten:"
1. It's a sign of weakness. Sometimes we're taught that accepting help--of any kind--is an indicator that we can't solve our own problems. But, if we take that analogy to its extreme, that same person would have to believe that it's a sign of weakness to have your appendix removed, your broken leg set in a cast, or your high blood pressure diagnosed. In fact, it takes a very strong person to recognize a difficult situation and take steps to get help.
2. Only crazy people go to therapy. It's far from "crazy" to have the insight and the intelligence to be able to recognize a difficulty that is causing you distress--and to ask for the help that you need. A popular definition of "insanity" is repeating the same behavior over and over and expecting different results. People who take the brave step to enter treatment are ones who are, very likely, tired of the same results and who wish to try a different way.
3. I can't afford it. It's for rich people. It's true that therapy can be expensive. However, most health care plans provide for some mental health care benefits. And, more and more, therapists are offering a sliding scale for clients who cannot afford full fees. In the end, it comes down to the value you place on relieving your distress--and your belief in feeling better.
4. If I tell someone about my horrible experience, everyone will know. Far from it, licensed therapists are ethically bound to hold confidential your therapeutic conversations. In fact, your therapist cannot even acknowledge that you're in treatment without written permission from you. There are a few instances that involve your safety and the safety of others that require your therapist to break confidentiality. Please see my previous post to learn more.
5. I don't want to betray my family. A good therapist will be sensitive to strong familial or cultural beliefs that discourage you from "airing the family laundry" with someone outside of the family circle. Working with your therapist, you can determine how much, and a what point you're ready to talk about family and relationships you have with them.
6. I wouldn't even know where to start. That's ok. However, the one person in the world who is an expert on you is...you. With your therapist's help, you can learn to talk about how you feel about yourself, your relationships, the way you act and the way you think. As you move forward, you can determine how you would like things to be different for you at the end of your therapy.
7. It's nobody's business but mine. No matter how private a person you are, your life, your actions and your choices can have a big effect on others. And others' reactions to your life choices can have a profound--and sometimes negative--impact on you. And so the cycle goes. Recognizing our connectedness in the world can be a first step in actually helping ourselves feel better.
8. Just talking couldn't possibly help. Actually, imagine talking with someone who will never judge you, never disapprove of your choices, never shame you for your past, and who will listen intently with genuine concern and compassion for your pain. This is what the therapeutic relationship is all about. And it may be unlike any other relationship you've had in the past. It can provide you with a safe room to talk about painful things. And, over time, it can allow you to try out different ways of looking at things that have previously felt too "stuck" or shameful to examine.
9. Dwelling on problems will just make them worse. Sometimes, when you first begin to talk about concerns and worries that you've been reluctant to look at before, it can be painful. However, over time, talking freely, in a safe environment can help lessen the pain and provide clarity for future change and choices. Remember, you're not alone in the room.
10. Therapists only want to get you on medication. A competent therapist is going to work to provide you with the best possible care within his or her scope of practice. Unless your therapist is a physician (psychiatrist), he or she cannot prescribe medication for you. It's true that some therapists may refer you to a psychiatrist for an evaluation for medication which may be helpful in relieving your distress. However, it's important to remember, it's only a referral. You decide whether you want to include medication in your treatment. It's only one part of many conversations you will have with your therapist.
As with any relationship, you and your therapist start out as strangers. But, unlike most other relationships you may have, your therapist, through education, training and a genuine desire to help, puts your well-being and best interest at the forefront of your time together. Without judgement. Without pressure. Without an agenda. For once, it's truly all about you. Which can be a very good reason to say "yes" to therapy.
As always, thanks for listening.
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