Last time, I shared my thoughts on the therapist's self-disclosure in session, and why I feel the focus should always remain on you--the client. In this post, we'll look at the nature of the professional client-therapist relationship, and a few ways to maintain healthy boundaries.
Our relationship is professional. Personal details can blur the lines.
I genuinely care about my clients and their well-being. I'm honored that they choose to share personal and intimate details about their lives. I hope my clients can feel my compassion for their difficulties and my satisfaction in their therapeutic accomplishments. However, despite the caring nature of the relationship, it is first, foremost and always a professional one.
For example, I can feel great satisfaction for a client who has worked to improve interpersonal skills in order to secure a job, and in session, I will congratulate this client for his success. However, I choose not to send cards, make congratulatory calls, and won't--under any circumstances-- go out to dinner to celebrate.
My relationship with you as a client will never be a social one. We meet in a professional setting, and maintain professional boundaries. Because of confidentiality, if we happen to pass each other on the street, I will not acknowledge you unless you have given me explicit permission to do so in advance. If you think about it, if you're with other people and I say, "Hello," the natural question can arise: So, how do you know each other? Ethically, I cannot tell anyone that you are my client, and this conversation puts you in the potentially awkward position of having to disclose that you are in therapy. It may seem cold, but it's an ethical boundary that has served my clients well.
So, what do I disclose to my clients in session?
Again, for me, the acid test is, what is in the best interest of my client? For example, I have worked with many clients over the years who have lost one or both of their aged parents. At times, I have felt it appropriate to share--briefly--about the loss of my parents in order to to show empathy for my client's grieving process. Again, it's not about getting my clients to take care of my grief--it's about showing empathy for theirs.
I don't have an "approved list" of self-disclosures. It usually happens in the moment, is brief, pointed, and designed to benefit the client in the moment. If I'm not sure it's in your best interest to share, I pass.
Does this mean if your therapist discloses more or less than I do that it's "wrong?" By no means. As I said at the beginning, therapist disclosure in therapy is a very individual thing. However, if you feel that your therapist is spending more time talking than listening, and you don't feel like the hour is yours, you might want to address it.
Years ago, before I'd ever been in a therapy session, a friend was describing her therapy to me: I go once a week. My therapist is totally focused on what I have to say, never makes it about herself, and doesn't make me feel bad when I admit my mistakes. She's genuinely interested in what I choose to talk about, but gets me back on track when I ramble. It's the one hour a week where I feel like what I have to say really matters. I feel heard.
Feeling heard. In therapy, it can only really happen when one person does most of the talking--you.
Thanks for listening. (I feel heard.)
No comments:
Post a Comment