From time to time I attend seminars and workshops, partly because all licensed therapists are required to fulfill a quota of continuing education hours and, partly because I need and want to continue to grow as a therapist. This being said, I was recently intrigued by a talk on the subject, "Psychotherapy and Spirituality."
At first, the two subjects may sound rather disconnected. But, at closer examination, they're connected in some fundamental ways. The speaker at this recent talk made some wonderful points, but what I'd like to convey here is a story that illustrates the journey many of us make at one point or another. It's a journey where the experiences of spirituality and therapy can intersect, with profound results.
The story goes like this (with apologies to those who remember it differently or more completely).
There once was an elephant who thought he was a mosquito. He tried very hard to behave as mosquito. He attempted to flit and fly, buzz, light on flowers and tree limbs and ponds--all to disastrous results. And, consequently, he was very unhappy.
Yet, he continued to approach his life endeavors as a mosquito, albeit a very unhappy one. Like other mosquitoes, he earnestly wished to have another mosquito as his life partner, and tried dating other mosquitoes, again, with no success.
This was one very unhappy guy.
Time passed and, undeterred, he continued to pursue his goal to be a happy, successful mosquito. But with no luck.
Finally, feeling greatly discouraged, the elephant was drawn to do some "spiritual work" in order to "find the true mosquito within." It didn't happen. But what did happen, with some spiritual guidance, was that the elephant began to see the truth of who he was--that is, not a mosquito, but an elephant.
Our speaker, also a therapist, asserts that the true healing happens not when you get what you want but, rather, when you discover and can be happy with who you truly are.
So how does this relate to psychotherapy? Pretty well, actually. Our speaker (and many other therapists and academics in the field) believes that the wear and tear of life--the abuse, neglect and emotional distress we encounter--causes us to build a protective armour around ourselves. To survive, we insulate ourselves from our own reality. And this keeps us from knowing who we truly are.
The root work of psychotherapy, many believe, is to help us find our true selves.
The root work of spirituality, for many, is to help us make meaningful contact with ourselves, our place in this universe and our way of being.
I sit daily with individuals and couples who struggle to make sense of their lives, their choices, their present circumstances and their futures. It is not my job to judge, offer pithy advice or witty discourse. In fact, as our speaker so aptly put it, the successful therapist is a "grownup" who is "quite unspectacular" but constantly present. Resistant to contrivance or cleverness, the therapist's job--my true job--is but to listen and allow my clients to discover where their armour is and, as a result, who they truly are. Sometimes, to their initial dismay but to their eventual relief--and joy--they discover that they are mosquitoes, not elephants.
And, that there is nothing wrong with that. Nothing whatsoever.
Until next time, as always, thanks for listening.
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