The Gift of Perspective: It's As Plain As The Nose On Your Face.

I've mentioned my former client "Charlotte" in several posts. She's 95. She's wise. And she's dying.

Quite literally, Charlotte is in physical decline that limits her to her home and relatively mundane activities like watching TV and reading. This, quite a change for a woman who, in the not-so-distant past drove herself to current events meetings, luncheons, history classes, church meetings, family gatherings. therapy groups and poker games.

Charlotte's lot is not unusual. Charlotte is a social being who, through aging, has been reduced to a life of limitations.

We speak of these limitations in our weekly visits. She muses on her limitations and the hereafter. I counter with, "It could be worse." And she rolls her eyes in mock disdain.

It could be worse.

No one, especially someone who is captive to the limitiations of  life, wants to hear that phrase.

Now, I don't mean to minimize the frustrations and disappointments that aging brings. I watched my mother's gradual--and might I add graceful--decline from age 80-92. There just comes a day when 18 holes of golf turns to nine. When walking becomes a chore, not a recreation. When the physical effort required to go out to dinner outweighs the usual enjoyment of the ritual.  And, gradually, napping, resting, turning down invitations, saying "no" to a host of previous enjoyments begins to become more the norm than the exception. Isolation and depression can result.

Or... perspective can take hold.

In the case of Charlotte, we recently talked about her actual limitations and abilities. On the minus side, she can't venture out of the house without assitance and lots of trepidation. On the plus side, she still can get up every morning, dress herself, talk on the phone, receive visitors and do some simple cooking. On the minus side, she needs daily assitance from a home healthcare worker. On the plus side, Charlotte likes her helper, and Charlotte can still live in her own home. Minus: Charlotte tires easily and is often lonely. Plus: she can still enjoy a good book, understands world affairs and can hold her own in almost any discussion.

A time-backward comparision to her fomer life leaves Charlotte a bit sad, lamenting all she has lost.

And here's the perspective part...a lateral look--to each side--may prove both illuminating and encouraging: when you look at what could be in your minus column...it could be worse.

Some call this Pollyanna thinking. If it is, I'm guilty. So be it. But I truly believe that, if we decide to perform the occasional assessment of lives, we are bound to be thorough. Which means looking at our lives from all angles, possibilities and perspectives.

When I used to be stumped by the obvious, my mother used to laugh and remind me the solution as "as plain as the nose on your face."  Looking back, I realize that sometimes, we need to step back a little to see the obvious. I can't see the nose on my own face. But, with the help of a mirror or a photograph, there it is! It just takes another perspective.

So, if, regardless of your age,  you're facing up to the limitiations in your life, remember to be fair to yourself. Hold up a mirror. Take a good look. Find your nose--and a broader, fairer, and kinder perspective.

Until next time, thanks for listening.