Stop Fighting Yourself: On Courage, Wisdom & The Serenity Prayer.

I recently Googled "The Serenity Prayer," and up came 2,130,000 results in a scant 0.9 seconds.

The reason I looked was to refresh my memory on the exact wording:
God grant me the serenity 
to accept the things I cannot change; 
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.


The Serenity Prayer comes up a lot in my senior group discussions.  As I've mentioned in previous posts, I hold several groups each week where senior clients (mostly women, mostly in their late 70s or 80s) support each other as gravity, body chemistry,and life alter and/or take away the basics of independent living. Said another way, they're learning to cope with the effects of aging.

Aging. Talk about something "I cannot change."

I also work with a variety of other clients who are navigating the younger end of the lifespan; while not exactly challenged yet by "old age," they have their own life difficulties, some changeable, some not.

What is challenging, sometimes saddening, but always rewarding is helping and watching clients come to moments of "acceptance:"
I will not be able to drink like a "normal" person.
The relationship is over.
I will need to take medication--every day.
It's not "everybody else." It's me.


And so it goes. The realizations often come hard, but often with a sense of relief.

Once we can stop fighting the truth about ourselves, we can start devoting that energy to either courage (to face a difficult change we need to make in ourselves or our lives) or acceptance (of that part of ourselves or our relationships that is difficult, but true).

When the familiar words of the Serenity Prayer popped up on my screen,  I also saw something new. What I didn't know is that the attributed author, theologian Dr. Rheinhold Niebuhr, had a second, less quoted part of the prayer, which goes like this:

Living one day at a time; 

Enjoying one moment at a time; 

Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace; 

Taking, as He did, this sinful world

as it is, not as I would have it; 

Trusting that He will make all things right

if I surrender to His Will;

That I may be reasonably happy in this life 

and supremely happy with Him

Forever in the next.

Amen.

Regardless of your belief system--God, the universe, divine spirit--try, for a moment to plug into the basic tenet: taking this world as it is...not as you would have it,...trusting...surrendering...that I may be reasonably happy in this life.


Reasonably happy. Sounds promising. Amen

Until next time, thanks for listening.

Can It Realy Be March? Or, We're All Allowed A "Do-Over."

Winter typically give us time for introspection. The days are short; the weather is often wet, cold and drives us indoors. We may not be as active or social as we might normally be.

And so, we sit. And we think. And we ponder. Hence my last post on finding purpose in one's life.

Five short weeks later, it's March and what a difference. The days feel substantially longer (light!). The daily temperature swings a bit higher and dips not quite as low.  If you're into gardening, you know that the soil will now accept seeds (yes!) even three weeks before the last predicted frost.

In other words, spring is upon us. The season of renewal. Birds return from the south, earthworms till the soil, sun warms our faces (yes, there is usually rain--and more rain, in our area, but this season seems to be an exception).  It's the season that has traditionally signalled a "waking up" from winter, and a rebirth of living things.

If you've had a season of introspection, stagnation or even despair, spring provides the chance for a giant "do-over."

I work with many clients who face chemical addiction on a daily basis. While many are in recovery and have significant "clean time," others experience occasional relapse and the myriad of emotions that come with it: shame, frustration, disillusion, even sadness.  Despite much knowledge, support, 12-step work and personal work for sobriety, my clients who relapse often report a feeling of having to "start over at day one" of their sobriety. It can be heavy and disheartening.

I was fortunate to train with an experienced and savvy addiction recovery counselor who told her groups,
"You may be in day one of recovery, but no one--I repeat--no one can take from you ANY of the days you had sober. You earned each one of them. They are yours forever. So now...you start adding to them, one by one."

It's true of recovery. What's more, it's true of any behavior you've successfully mastered, and then may have fumbled. Did you slip away from your diet over the winter? Fail to get to the gym as much as you planned?  Maybe you vowed to volunteer, keep in touch, be kinder, work harder, etc.

Well, spring is coming. And you, like all of the rest of us, can use the start of the season for your personal "do-overs." Start small, but start!  If you want to feel successful, start keeping a record of your improving behaviors.  Make a chart, keep a journal, mark the calendar. When you can see your progress, you'll feel your progress. Try it.

I can almost guarantee that forward movement will feel better. Like the sound of your robins returning from their winter vacation, the greening of the hills around you and the sun on your face, the renewal of your best intentions can feel wonderful and invigorating.

Like your own personal spring.

Until next time, watch for the robins. Thanks for listening.